So you remember that innocuous burp that I did not aim at my wife’s head? It turns out it was a harbinger of things to come. By the end of the day I was feeling incredibly sick. The doctor said I had a viral infection, the first in over a year, and I’ve spent the past few days sleeping, watching bad movies and playing video games. I’ve been conscious of how privileged I am to be able to convalesce in such comfort – not everyone can afford to take time off work, or buy medication, or have ridiculous amounts of junkfood.
But after resting intensively for a few days, I was surprised to find that I was feeling well enough to attend my pole dancing class today. After that yoga class that was injurious in more ways than one, I did recover enough to attend my first class, and today was my combined second/third (a double session to make up for a recent public holiday).
My overall impression after the first class was that it was uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure whether it was a difference in teachers or because it was the start of a proper term, but our warmups were pretty different to the ones we did in the trial class. Beauty, our teacher, took us through some pretty sensual moves including body rolls, crouching down and spreading our knees in circles, reaching between our legs to grab the pole and leaning forwards, lying on our backs and doing huge sweeping scissors kicks with our legs spread… They were all super functional warmups with a dancey, sexy vibe, and I just… wasn’t ready for it. I loved the actual pole moves – the jumping and spinning and holding and swinging, all of that was super fun. But I didn’t realise sexuality played such a big part of the pole experience.
This was made more clear to me when we started practicing a routine at the end of the class. I found it really awkward and unfamiliar to flick my hair, and roll my hips, and stick my butt out before doing a bend and snap. This was made worse by once again being surrounded by professional dance teachers in very revealing dance gear who were just looking to expand their repertoire, and I felt like the least fit/coordinated/sexy person in the group.
Before class today I quietly decided that I’d quit after these 8 weeks were up. So when the music started, I figured that since I was leaving I may as well go all in. As we bounced from foot to foot, I started throwing my hips around and shaking my body, and I couldn’t help but grin as I saw how much fun my reflection was having. I tried to see how smooth I could get my body rolls, how sexily I could spread my knees, and suddenly I was really enjoying myself. And the pole moves themselves were so much fun – spins and sits and curls and handstands. We even did a running jump into a carousel. By the time we got to the routine after two hours, I was exhausted but was surprised to see myself keeping up with my teacher as we blitzed through backward spins and butterfly kicks and stripper pushups. The moves came easier to me, and I felt more coordinated and confident.
During class I realised that pole seems to attract a certain type of person: a young (20-something), fit woman who is extremely confident and wants to learn how to be even sexier. I am all for women being powerful and sexy – at one point Beauty rolled down the waistband of her shorts so she had more skin to grip the pole with, and she was completely unfazed that her g-string was clearly visible. I fucking love that confidence, and I’m pretty sure I could find it within me if I searched hard enough. Today I discovered that by pretending I could be sexy I actually became sexy and I didn’t really need to fake it. But I’m not sure if I want to go down that path, you know? I’m realising that there is such a thing as “too sexy” (for me), and I’m in an ongoing conversation about where that line is.
But hey, since I’ve paid for it I’m seeing this term through.
Even though it’s eventually the norm to have lots of “pole wear”, which I guess is the really revealing clothing that shows a lot of skin so you can do the advanced moves that require extra grippage.
Even though in the Beginners 2 course students are encouraged to wear heels.
Even though the eighth class is open to friends/family/partners to watch, and a bunch of strangers will witness me attempting to be sexy.
Gosh that’s a scary thought. But I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I have no idea what sort of person I’ll be in five weeks – for instance today I rolled up my singlet so I could grip the pole with my tummy, and it only occurred to me after I got home that my scar was on display. Huh, would you look at that, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe after another few lessons of pole I’ll be all in again. But even if I’m not, this has been really fun and enlightening. I think I’m still searching for “my thing” since I’ve moved away from karate and tea ceremony, and I’m not really sure if pole is it, but… I’m really proud of myself for trying it. Watch this space I guess.
Éclore 